


The No Exit Job

by shrift



Series: Leverage Fanworks [2]
Category: Leverage
Genre: Adorkable, Character of Color, Community: picfor1000, Humor, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-19
Updated: 2010-01-19
Packaged: 2017-10-06 21:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrift/pseuds/shrift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the blueprints are wrong, Hardison and Eliot make out, and nobody mentions French existentialism at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The No Exit Job

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through episode 2x10. Written for [A Picture is Worth 1000 Words](http://community.livejournal.com/picfor1000/). Beta by Nestra. My [assignment](http://www.flickr.com/photos/sutsen/4211097091/).

Alec and Eliot raced around the corner and nearly smacked themselves in the face with a brick wall.

"Hardison," Eliot growled.

Alec already had his phone out. "No, man. The blueprints clearly say that there is supposed to be a door here. You lie, blueprints. You lie like the dog that you are. This isn't up to code. What if there was a fire?"

"Nate, we need a new exit strategy," Eliot said.

"On it," Nate said. Alec could hear the clack of the keyboard over Nate's comms. He hoped that Nate was treating his babies right. The man wouldn't stop clicking on messages that said they could fix his computer for free.

"Air duct," Parker suggested, probably because she was in one.

Eliot looked even grumpier. "Unless White Rabbit's got a pill to make us small, I don't think that's gonna work."

Alec couldn't help himself. "You're so adorable when you get mad. You're like a little teddy bear who knows kung fu."

Very seriously, Eliot said, "When this is over, the things I'm going to do to you will give you nightmares. You'll wake up in a cold sweat, screaming, for _years_."

"There's a pill that makes you small?" Parker asked.

"You've got incoming," Nate said. "Hardison, hide the goods in your pants."

"What? This better not be some kind of social commentary on the bagginess of my pants," Alec said. "Why can't we hide the stash in Eliot's pants?"

Parker's snort reverberated in the air duct. "Heh. Good one."

"Please. There's no room in Eliot's pants," Tara said from behind the bar. The music in front nearly overpowered her comms; it was a dull thump in the back where Alec and Eliot were.

Eliot smirked and grabbed his crotch. "You heard the ladies."

"You just scarred my brain," Alec said, and stuck the Fabergé egg down his pants. "Now what are we gonna do?"

"Ditch some clothes and make out," Parker suggested.

"You don't _seriously_ think that'll work?" Eliot demanded.

"_Yeah_," Parker scoffed. "Works for me every time."

Alec frowned. "Exactly how many times have you taken a coworker unawares by initiating smoochies? Because I'm starting to feel used."

"Actually, she's right. It might work," Tara said.

"Did she sound smug to you?" Eliot asked. He'd been all for Tara joining the team, but after their first real job, he'd gone a little squirrelly. Alec couldn't get anything out of him beyond, "She stole my head butt. That's just not done."

"I'm sure she's not disparaging our abilities at sexy times," Alec said. "You better not be disparaging our abilities at sexy times."

"Please stop saying 'sexy times'," Nate said. "You've got about thirty seconds to make up your minds."

"Shit," Eliot said. His scowl was epic. He tore off his black cap and gloves, and then yanked his jacket and two shirts off in one go, leaving him in an A-shirt and jeans.

When Eliot raised his eyebrows, Alec gestured at his clothes. "Don't look at me like that. I'm already chic, baby."

Eliot rolled his eyes and yanked Alec forward by his scarf. "Make it look good."

"Don't you think we should set up some ground rules, or something –" Alec said, but two bouncers were coming around the corner, and Eliot was kissing him. Eliot shoved his thigh between Alec's legs, pushed his hands up his shirt, and sucked on Alec's tongue. It was weird and hot and random, like suddenly falling into a sexy dream about his coworkers, dreams he absolutely _did not have_.

Alec shoved Eliot against the wall, because he figured it was the only time he'd get away with doing it. Eliot grunted and wriggled, and Alec felt the Fabergé egg shift in his pants.

"A little help?" Alec hissed. Eliot's hand shot down to Alec's crotch, and Alec squeaked. "To the left. Your other left."

Eliot smirked as he kept the egg from sliding down the leg of Alec's pants. Alec wiped that smirk off his face with his mouth, biting Eliot's lower lip and yanking on his hair a little bit. Eliot made a noise in his throat that was stupidly hot.

"Whatever's happening, it sounds juicy," Parker said suddenly. Alec groaned, and not because Eliot was doing something excellent with his tongue. Even though he kind of was.

One of the bouncers cleared his throat. "Yo, guys. You can't be back here."

Eliot leaned sideways. "Why not?"

"Yeah, you got a problem with us?" Alec demanded, trying not to move so the egg wouldn't make an appearance and ruin the very great sacrifice he'd just made.

"Dude," Bouncer 1 said, looking offended.

"Bro, this is a restricted area," Bouncer 2 said, patting his buddy on the shoulder.

"You can go make out at the bar if you want to," Bouncer 1 offered.

"Okay," Alec said slowly, because he really had no response to that.

"Yeah, thanks but no thanks," Eliot said, smiling cheerfully as he smacked Alec on the ass. "I'm gonna take him home now."

"You say that like you think you're in charge of this relationship," Alec said.

"We can talk about this later," Eliot said, clenching his teeth.

"Mm-hmm," Alec said, and goosed him. Eliot thumped his shoulder in retaliation.

"After you," Bouncer 2 said, and guided them to the front of the bar. Bouncer 1 gave them a little wave good-bye.

"You totally got turned on," Eliot said as they walked out of the club.

"Hello," Alec said. "There was an egg in my pants, and it was not happy to see you."

"Whatever. You know you want me."

Alec got in the van and retrieved the goods from his pants carefully, because he was pretty turned on, and he knew Eliot knew he knew. "Like you can resist all this."

"How much you wanna bet I can make you scream?" Eliot asked.

Alec shrugged. "Depends on why I'm screaming."

Nate sighed. "At this point, I believe Sophie would say, 'Boys, you're both pretty.'"


End file.
